Due to yesterday's Nerf dart incident (Nerf dart drive-by, side of head, from boy wearing nothing but underwear, 7am, pre-coffee) I feel the need to post some gentle reminders for my son as we officially start our summer vacation together. It's for his own good, really. And as an added bonus, they'll be written down as evidence to show his therapist when he's 25 and living in my basement. Even better, I can show his girlfriend/fiancee/wife at some point as proof that it's not MY fault. I tried to reign him in at an early age. I really did.
#1 - There will be no Nerf play before 9am or before mommy has had at least 2 cups of coffee, whichever comes first. And God forbid a Nerf dart land IN the coffee. Consider yourself warned.
#2 - Mommy's shirt/shorts are not to be used as a tissue. You are old enough to use a tissue (or a piece of toilet paper, for all I care), so please do so. Wiping your nose on mommy and then exclaiming, "Yuck...that one was nasty!" will not be tolerated.
#3 - We will be going to the pool this summer. DAILY. You are now old enough to carry your own towel and your own snack bag. Mommy is not a pack mule.
#4 - While at the pool, please keep your hands to yourself. Just because mommy is wearing a top that ties in the back or shows more skin that a tshirt, does not mean you are free to fondle mommy. Your dad has that covered. Trust me.
#5 - Please keep your hands out of your pants. Mommy doesn't care if they are "just resting there," it's not polite.
#6 - Please keep your hands out of MY pants. Coming up behind me while I wash dishes and sliding your hands up my shorts or up the front of my shirt was cute when you were two. Now, it's just plain creepy. Besides, your dad has that one covered too.
#7 - Mommy will be making 3 meals a day. Not 10. Mommy is not a short-order cook.
#8 - Mommy loves to play UNO. Mommy doesn't even mind if you beat her 7 games in a row. Mommy does mind, however, if you refer to her as, "Mommy, the UNO loser," and point at her while in line at the commissary. That's not nice.
#9 - Mommy always welcomes a "squeeze hug" or a "nose kiss." Those will always be allowed. Even before she's had her coffee.
